Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are

by Lysa TerKeurst

Publisher:

Thomas Nelson

, 2022

Overview

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER

Relationships are wonderful . . . until they’re not.

Stop the dysfunction of unhealthy relationships and learn biblical ways to set boundaries--and, when necessary, say goodbye.

Is it unloving or selfish to set a boundary with family members or friends? Are Christians ever called to walk away from a relationship that’s no longer safe or sustainable? #1 New York Times bestselling author Lysa TerKeurst deeply understands these hard questions in the midst of relational struggles.

After thousands of hours of counseling intensives and extensive theological research that transformed the way she defined healthy relationships, Lysa is now more committed than ever to loving people well without losing the best of who she is.

In these pages, Lysa will help you:

• Understand the five factors to remember when implementing healthy boundaries.
• Determine the appropriate amount of personal and emotional access someone has to you.
• Stop being misled and emotionally paralyzed by wrongly interpreted or weaponized Bible verses that perpetuate unhealthy relationships.
• Be equipped with effective boundary-setting tools, such as realistic scripts and practical strategies for healthier communication.
• Be empowered to say goodbye without guilt when a relationship has shifted from difficult to destructive.
• Receive therapeutic wisdom you can trust directly from Lysa’s Christian counselor Jim Cress, who weighs in throughout the book.

 

You’ll be relieved to learn that boundaries aren’t just a good idea, they’re a God idea.

Look for additional biblically based resources and devotionals from Lysa: 

• Forgiving What You Can’t Forget
• It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way
• Uninvited
• You’re Going to Make It
• Embraced
• Seeing Beautiful Again

Read more

What You'll Read

Plenty of solid self-help books pack library and bookstore shelves. Yet Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are by bestselling author Lysa TerKeurst stands out, tackling a tender subject: how to handle relationships that are not only hurtful but might be unsustainable—from a biblical perspective.

But setting boundaries is hard and can be awkward. TerKeurst acknowledges this and writes that boundary-setting can involve different "levels." For one, it can mean limiting access granted to people who are "irresponsible with our hearts" to prevent the other person from having control. Though scary, TerKeurst writes that doing so can pave the road for the "truest and purest version of love to emerge within the relationships that make up so much of who we are and what we want the most."

Other times it might mean doing the really hard thing: leaving a relationship.

Setting boundaries is the most responsible thing a person can do in a potentially hurtful relationship, writes TerKeurst. In a well-supported yet understanding way, TerKeurst offers answers to questions like:

• What is behind emotional triggers?
• Why is dealing with past trauma so important?
• Why do relationships die?
• Can having a difficult conversation early on keep a rocky relationship alive?
• What is the difference between good and bad boundaries?
• What does tension in a relationship indicate?
• Is it possible to acknowledge hurt without unleashing it on another person?
• Are some relationships simply not sustainable?
• Does the Bible allow for Christians to walk away from an unsafe or unsustainable relationship?
• Why could taking a break—or making a clean break—from the one doing the wounding lead to recovery and healing

TerKeurst's answers come from personal experience dealing with harmful relationships, insight from a trusted counselor and friend, and what God's Word says about the topic.

At the end of each chapter, TerKeurst includes three application sections she titles:

• Remember – summary statements of key takeaways in the chapter
• Receive – related Scriptures to "soak" in
• Reflect – questions to think through

Then, she includes a short, guided prayer.

The book is not just about calling out issues in other people. Though TerKeurst focuses on recognizing when the other person in a relationship may be causing harm, she also challenges readers to examine their own hearts, minds, and motivations. In the end, readers will discover why saying goodbye temporarily, or forever, can sometimes be the best option—and for your good.

Table of Contents

• Cover
• Title Page
• Copyright
• Contents
• Introduction: We Can’t Set Good Boundaries Without Love
  • Chapter 1: You Are Not Crazy (You can love them, but you can’t change them.)
  • Chapter 2: Naming the Tension That We’ve All Been Wrestling With
  • Chapter 3: It’s Not About the Problems, It’s About What the Problems Represent
  • Chapter 4: God Takes Boundary Violations Very Seriously and So Should We
  • Chapter 5: You Are Already Doing This Really Well
  • Chapter 6: They May Never See Your Boundaries as a Good Thing
  • Chapter 7: Just Because They Say It Doesn’t Mean You Have to Own It
  • Chapter 8: Trying to Make Someone Else Happy Shouldn’t Be Your Definition of Healthy
  • Chapter 9: What Am I So Afraid Of?
  • Chapter 10: Can a Goodbye Ever Really Be Good?
  • Chapter 11: I’m Not Walking Away, I’m Accepting Reality
  • Chapter 12: A Million Little Funerals
• Conclusion: A Bible, a Ring, and a God Who Never Leaves Us
• Wisdom to Turn to When Our Boundaries Are Called into Question
• Getting the Help You Need
• Some Important Notes to Consider on Abuse
• Acknowledgments
• Notes
• About the Author

What You'll Learn

Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are is not a self-help or how-to book but a unique resource offering a healthy biblical perspective on how to set and keep boundaries. Setting appropriate boundaries and consistently keeping them provides safety and keeps relationships healthy. Readers will learn:

• The five factors to remember when implementing healthy boundaries.
• How much personal and emotional access is appropriate to extend to someone based on how responsible they'll be with that access.
• How to guard against being misled and emotionally paralyzed by Scriptures the other person has misinterpreted to be used as "weapons."
• How to break the cycle of ineffective boundary-setting.
• Why ending a relationship is sometimes the most loving thing you can do when it is no longer sustainable—and how not to feel guilty about it.

Most importantly, they'll learn that being a good spouse, friend, coworker, daughter, sister, or neighbor is not by being the other person's savior.

Plus, readers will glean wisdom from TerKeurst's Christian counselor, Jim Cress, who offers expert insight throughout the book. TerKeurst also includes practical tips for getting needed help, including for readers dealing with abuse.

Setting boundaries is not just a good and healthy idea, writes TerKeurst. It's God's idea—and she continually points to the Bible and where it's modeled. As a result, readers will close the book encouraged, knowing there's more to a person's story than crumbling relationships and come away with practical tools to build better, deeper, and stronger friendships.

Product Details

• Title: Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are
• Author: Lysa TerKeurst
• Publisher: Thomas Nelson
• Print Publication Date: 2022
• Logos Release Date: 2022
• Pages: 256
• Language: English
• Resources: 1
• Format: Digital › Ebook
• ISBNs: 9781400211791, 9780849920394, 0849920396, 9781400239863, 1400239869, 9781400211760, 140021176X, 9780840711007, 084071100X, 9781400211807, 1400211808, 9780849920646, 0849920647, 9780310140351, 0310140358, 1400211794
• Resource ID: LLS:9781400211791
• Resource Type: Monograph
• Metadata Last Updated: 2025-05-22T05:43:35Z

About Lysa TerKeurst

Lysa TerKeurst is president and chief visionary officer of Proverbs 31 Ministries and the author of more than twenty-five books, including It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way and the #1 New York Times bestsellers Forgiving What You Can’t Forget and Uninvited. She writes from her family’s farm table and lives in North Carolina.