Meet Dave Kaplan

From time to time we like to give you the opportunity to get to know the people here at Logos. Today we want to introduce you to Dave Kaplan. Dave has been with Logos since December of 1993, just four months short of veteran Rick Brannan, who recently celebrated 14 years at Logos. The way Logos takes care of its employees and the great people and work environment are two things that make Dave love working at Logos.
Dave spends most of his time on the phone talking with our wonderful customers. Interacting with so many different people makes his job a joy, but he finds it especially rewarding knowing that he is helping to provide thousands of people with a phenomenal tool that can assist them in their walk with God.
In his spare time, Dave enjoys playing chess, which he describes as “the most personal game ever invented,” and building Popsicle stick houses and burning them down with his son, Gregory (so he can learn how quickly a fire can consume a house). He also loves peppers and usually has a couple in his pocket.
“Kaplanisms”
Dave is perhaps best known by those in the sales department for his unique sayings, affectionately called “Kaplanisms.” Dave has a gift—a lot like Yogi Berra did—of unintentionally modifying well-known expressions, combining them together, or just making up his own!
Here’s an example. One morning Dave came into the office apparently wearing too much cologne, and the other guys were giving him a hard time. Dave responded, “I only put a dab on both of my necks.”
The guys in the sales department have been compiling a list of sayings over the last year or so. We were originally going to share them anonymously, but the guys were able to convince Dave that he might get some good publicity and increase his sales!
So without further ado, here are Dave’s “Kaplanisms”:

• Talking with a customer whom he couldn’t understand at all: “I’m as deaf as a bat!”
• “I cannot count the countless evenings I spent talking . . . .”
• Trying to convince a customer: “Sir, I can assure you that I seriously doubt I can’t make you happy.”
• “That’s like shootin’ an arrow through a bale of hay and not hittin’ any straw!”
• Explaining to customers to wait until they get the software before worrying about how to install it: “You’re trying to land an airplane, and we haven’t even gotten into the cockpit yet.”
• Explaining to customers to close down the software before installing an update: “It’s like changing the spark plugs while the motor is runnin’.”
• ” . . . as happy as a tornado in a cornfield.”
• “I walked outside this morning and my woods smelled so woodsy!”
• “If someone buys you a car, you don’t really own it.”
• “For once I’m finishing my day with my i’s crossed and my t’s . . . how does that saying go again?”
• “Let’s get down to logic here.”
• “I can guarantee you we don’t print like the other guy’s software!”
• “That’s on Pre-Publication—that’s short for Pre-Pub.”
• “Yeah, it’s all over. Now I can stop being less paranoid.”
• “I heard very clearly, in my peripheral vision, someone say . . . .”
• “Are you ready for this? Let me put it this way . . . . I will say this . . . .”
• “That’s as messed up as a soup sandwich.”
• Telling people about his flight to Belgium: “It was a 9 hour drive flying!”

During my interview with Dave, I had the privilege of experiencing a new “Kaplanism” firsthand. Dave explained why he never oversells or undersells, but always directs people to the product that is best suited for them: “I have to sleep with myself at night” (an obvious conflation of “I have to live with myself” and “I have to sleep at night”).
If you know Dave or have dealt with him on the phone, leave him a message in the comments!
If you’d like to work with one of Logos’ best sales employees, you can reach Dave directly at (360) 685-2304.