Sacred Siblings: Valuing One Another for the Great Commission
Ebook
We're In This Together
In Sacred Siblings: Valuing One Another for the Great Commission we learn about how teams come together with varying expectations of what team life should be. The authors offer ideas and positive practices of valuing one another based on a survey from 289 missionaries, representing 12 mission agencies. These practices not only build unity and understanding of each other, but enable greater effectiveness in ministry.
Read this and have your agency make moves to be better prepared for the increasingly single next generation of field workers and take action for team effectiveness now.
This book:
-Highlights 16 differences between the perspectives of married and single people.
-Offers helpful tools to address the challenges and enhance strengths.
-Asks applicational questions that would initiate dialogue among invested parties.
-Addresses the necessity of releasing physical family members to follow God’s leading.
-Points out differences in organizational policies and practices based upon marital status.
Dedication
Foreword
Acknowledgments
Preface
Introduction 1: The Who and the Why
Introduction 2: An Invitation to More
Section 1: Issues Revealed from a Married’s Perspective
Chapter 1: Equally Valuing = Valuing Equally
Chapter 2: Your Opinion Matters
Chapter 3: Feedback Wanted . . . or Is It?
Chapter 4: Effective Training Doesn’t Come Easy
Chapter 5: It’s Impossible to Over-Communicate
Chapter 6: When Hearing Voices Is OK
Chapter 7: Sounding Boards Not Always Included
Chapter 8: Who Is My Neighbor?
Chapter 9: When Affirmation Gets Lost in Translation
Chapter 10: Sacred-Sibling Relationships: Living Counterculturally
Chapter 11: The Secret of Being Content Can Be Learned
Section 2: Issues Revealed from a Single’s Perspective
Chapter 12: Expecting Community and Finding Loneliness
Chapter 13: Expecting to Be Considered Mature, but Disappointed
Chapter 14: Expecting a Helping Hand and Not Always Finding One
Chapter 15: Expecting More Time From Them When There Is Less Family
Section 3: The Challenge
Chapter 16: Loving Family Well and God More
Chapter 17: Closing
Appendix 1: The Invitation
Appendix 2: The Letter (11/23/16)
Appendix 3: The Survey
We are moving toward a world in which the majority of people will be single. In many cultures that time has already come. Yet, our mission environment is most often oriented around married couples. This book surfaces many of the issues that teams will face when members come from these two distinct life situations. As the authors point out in the book, it is easy for us to consider ourselves experts in understanding these challenges. Yet, there is little teaching and writing about this topic. This is a unique resource that readers will find to be relevant in our modern missions era. TED ESLER President, Missio Nexus
Sacred Siblings: Valuing One Another for the Great Commission is one of those rare books that tackles an important subject with quantifiable research, together with captivating stories that illustrate key findings in the research. And what a great title—that we all view each other as “sacred siblings”—regardless of marital status. Eenigenburg and Grumelot are not content to just explain the challenges of sacred sibling relationships, of which there are many. They raise the bar and offer the reader much more by sharing practical and actionable suggestions to make these relationships all that God intends for them to be. If you’re looking for a very readable and thought-provoking book, this one is for you. JOHN CERTALIC Executive Director, Caring for Others
Sacred Siblings provides us with a compilation of information that goes beyond the anecdotal stories of singles and marrieds serving side-by-side on ministry teams. Through illustrations, not only from Sue and Suzy, but those who participated in the surveys, we get a sense of the challenges, the joys, the disappointments, and the unmet expectations in life together. There are constructive suggestions of ways to serve one another in these sacred extended ministry family relationships. This will be helpful for those who prepare people pre-field, for those who are leading teams along with the couples and singles serving on the teams, and for those who have a ministry of care and consultation for overseas workers. I recommend that after reading it, opportunity is made for dialogue at team retreats and conferences. FAITH DE LA COUR Vice President & Chief People Officer, SIM, USA
If you are looking for a book that will help you discover for the first time, or go more in-depth into relationships between singles and marrieds in ministry, Sacred Siblings needs to be on your reading list. Sue Eenigenburg and Suzy Grumelot use their years of experience, coupled with survey results, to give the reader a better understanding of the issues, as well as provide practical tools that will help members thrive and be successful in the ministry to which God has called them. BRETT SHIDELER VP, Ministry and Care Resources | People Services, Wycliffe Bible Translators USA
Sue and Suzy focus on a particular but critical kind of diversity which exists among those serving in our churches and missions organizations: married couples and singles (and secondarily, men and women). Their research has enabled them to identify areas of life in ministry in which the surveyed marrieds and singles see things differently. In addition to encouraging ministry leaders to be more aware of and consider how to respond to such differences, the authors provide numerous practical suggestions and additional resources to help cultivate better relationships on teams with both married and single members and to increase their effectiveness in the mission. ERIC SCHLOTTMAN Leadership Development and Human Resources team, Cru- Latin America and the Caribbean
Following secular careers, and recently married, God called us into full-time service. As singles, we had supported and volunteered with missions but our expectations were very different from the realities of the challenges ahead! We would have been better prepared if we had read Sacred Siblings. Sue and Suzy have given all in ministry a deep and rich treasure chest of biblical and practical tools for understanding one another’s needs and examples of how we can be a more loving and Christ-like community. Based on survey responses of married and single workers, they encourage us to ask the difficult questions within our own team/community and examine our assumptions by learning to listen well and communicate effectively. LYNN AND CHRISTOPHER HOLT Child Evangelism Fellowship of Europe
“Have you ever seen a majority group, culture, or race that was deeply sensitive to others in the minority? Surely the church should be the place where this is practiced and lived out.” (28) Empathy to “feel with” another person and seek to understand their experience, is a powerful tool for helping us to work together effectively. Often we study and seek to understand the people group we are trying to reach, their felt needs, concepts of God, etc., but we often miss taking time to hear the stories and hearts of our brothers and sisters serving beside us. When seeking to make organizational decisions, experiencing conflict or considering challenges, this gap can cause us to make assumptions, devalue our colleagues, or keep us from functioning as effectively as we could together. Sacred Siblings compiles many of these stories for us to peer inside others’ experiences, gives us questions to ask one another, and very practical tips for engaging and partnering together effectively. RACHEL HEFFIELD, PhD PCC-SThriving Catalyst-VP Member Development, Pioneers
In their book Sacred Siblings, Sue Eenigenburg and Suzy Grumelot have brought into focus the need for appropriate perspective of the distinctions and similarities of serving God as a missionary either with or without a spouse and family. This is a useful tool for goers as they can get insight into their own perceptions of their present status and those on the team they will or do work with. It is essential for senders as well, to comprehend the complexities of how those we are trying to care for may struggle or better need encouragement for specific situations and team dynamics. Based off of experience and a realized need, the two gathered information and share it in a meaningful manner. Though there is some anecdotal accounts, they are used in a way in which brings to life how one might feel and thus react to given stimulus from the environment including the team. This makes a great opportunity for the reader to connect similar situations to their own settings. I appreciate this perspective as one needed for any serving in a community of believers where surely there will be a mélange of life situations coming together with a goal to show unity in love—missionary teams and churches both can benefit. JAMES ARNOLD Field Director, Serve International—France and Beyond
As an MK, my missionary parents invited a single colleague to become a part of our family. Later, as a global worker, my husband and I often had our single co-workers in our home. Sue and Suzy’s book opened my eyes to how poorly I may have served them due to my assumptions that I knew the needs of my single friends. Now as I work in member care, I am convinced this book is greatly needed to help our teams function as the body of Christ, loving each other as brother and sister. While I often threw around that phrase, I really didn’t know what it meant. This book gives me practical suggestions for how I can make that a reality. EVA BURKHOLDER Christar
Thank you, Sue and Suzy, for this much needed tool which can help us married men realize how we may be unconsciously treating the women in our mission, in particular our single women, especially when it comes to mission leadership. But this book is not just about how married men should treat single women, it is about how believers of both genders and any marital status should treat one another. We all have blind spots, but our perceptions as to how we are treating others is one where we don’t need added surprises. Throughout this book, Sue and Suzy provide us with examples from their lives and ministries which illustrate the principles they are discussing. Added to this are well-written discussion questions which can help us grow in these areas and which can be used for group discussions. It is my opinion that this is a book that should be read by all mission leaders and especially those who are involved with member care. DR. JAMES CARLSON Director, International Church Initiatives Evangelical Free Church of America, ReachGlobal Europe
Sue Eenigenburg and Suzy Grumelot have given the Body of Christ a good gift by providing us the tools to identify misunderstandings between married folks and singles and by offering us the resources to build relational bridges between the two groups. LEWIE CLARK Director, Icon Ministries, Chicago
In this easy to read handbook, Sue Eenigenburg and Suzy Grumelot have provided a statistically validated window to see clearly some key differences between how singles and marrieds experience working together on assignment. This is excellent resource and should be required reading for teams working together both on and off the field. BARRY N. DANYLAK, PhD Author of Redeeming Singleness: How the Storyline of Scripture Affirms the Single Life
As a single missionary who has been the only single on two teams, I greatly appreciate the work Sue and Suzy have done to identify misunderstandings between marrieds and singles that create obstacles to healthy, thriving teams. I can identify with the frustrations my single brothers and sisters shared, and I learned valuable things about how to work well with married colleagues. I would recommend this book as required reading for all missionaries—married and single, new to the field and veterans—and pray God will use it to help us serve more effectively in the fields where He has sent us. CHERY FLORES Missionary, Mission to the World (MTW) Women’s Ministry Coordinator, MTW Europe
Since the vast majority of our “single” missionaries work in a team environment I found Sue and Suzy’s work to be very intriguing. Most helpful, to me, was the undeniable fact that expectations, both real or perceived, differ greatly between the married and single missionary. What a great tool Sue and Suzy have provided both parties to help navigate these often tricky relationships and ultimately promote the growth of the Kingdom through highly functioning missionary teams. I would recommend this book to any missionary, single or married, working in a team environment. BRIAN GARRISON Associate Mission Director, Baptist Bible Fellowship International, World Mission Service Center
As a member care provider, I hear from single and married missionaries alike who feel misunderstood by their teammates. Teams will benefit from discussing the themes of “Sacred Siblings.” The stories of the authors and other missionaries will validate the experiences of individual readers and cause them to consider more carefully the experiences of others. I will recommend this book to missionaries I work with. K. H. Avant Ministries
Single men and women continue to make significant contributions to global missions. Sacred Siblings addresses the importance of understanding one another as singles and marrieds work together for the sake of the Kingdom. Through careful research, Sue and Suzy provide practical suggestions for healthy working relationships, bringing greater value to our single colleagues! DOROTHY JANZEN SEND
I believe this book is an important contribution to the body of literature in field of ministry team dynamics, and specifically with regard to the challenges faced by marrieds and singles serving together in mission. The authors have presented and explained a great deal of essential information in a way that is approachable and understandable, and have offered practical suggestions for overcoming or mitigating the challenges that have been identified. I thoroughly enjoyed the book, and I believe it should inform discussions and policies throughout the mission community in the years to come. DR. ROBERT LUGAR One Another Ministries Int’l
Singles and married people serving together on ministry teams show a significant strength of God’s design, but they are often a recipe for conflict and misunderstandings! Sacred Siblings will be an excellent resource to any ministry team with the desire to love and serve each other better, bringing glory to God! TAMMY LUNDELL One Challenge International (Europe area leadership)
Suzy and Sue show us our divergent perspectives as single and married team members and ask us to carefully reflect on several powerful questions as we serve together. We are truly sent to be ambassadors for Christ and to bring transformation; as we do, our Savior needs to be supremely evident in our relationships with one another. I’m grateful for their work in providing tangible steps for each of us to grow more in the image of Christ. BRENT MCHUGH International Director, Christar International
A key point in the book is that whether you are married or single, people tend to see the best in each other’s world, but that is not the sum of a married or single person’s life. From the research shared in the book, we have an opportunity to hear the other side of life as it relates to married and single people. As we listen with an empathetic ear to the hurts and challenges faced by our brothers and sisters, we learn to move forward together to accomplish the Great Commission. I encourage you to read on this important and timely topic for the glory of God. KIM MCHUGH Christar International
It’s not a surprise that issues—such as unmet expectations, misunderstandings, unintentional oversights, and break-down of trust on teams—are prevalent in missions. What is amazingly simple is that all these issues can be used to produce growth if communication improves. We can all learn to be better LISTENERS, which is a huge step in the right direction toward healing and maturing in Christ. Sue and Suzy have put a finger on these issues that are often overlooked because of their simplicity, and they give us great suggestions for ideas about how to move forward in healthy relationships. As they examine assumptions, expectations, and communication obstacles that exist between singles and marrieds, we quickly see that the principles can be applied to just about any relationship. PAUL MUSSER One Collective (formerly International Teams (ITeams)
To navigate team relationships well requires intentional effort and constant attention. It also demands knowledge of the various dynamics that are involved. Sue Eenigenburg and Suzy Grumelot have done us the favor of digging through most every relationship one can experience in missions, guiding us to an awareness of what is often missed. Sue, a long-term married missionary and Suzy, a long-term missionary single blend their individual experiences resulting in a comprehensive understanding of missionary relationships that is second to none. MARVIN J. NEWELL Senior VP, MissioNexus
Having spent my first ten years as a single in the military and Christian Service I appreciate this work on the value of relationships. Sacred Siblings conveys relational, personal and cultural insights on the greatness of God’s family, Psalm 68:5–6a. DAN PAINTER Founder/Pres Emeritus, International Christian Community—Eurasia
With careful interpretation of survey data, Sue Eenigenburg and Suzy Grumelot present practical suggestions for teams to live out the theology of family. That is, to live as sacred siblings—brothers and sisters in Christ who model Christ-like love, seeking to understand and to honor each other whether single, married, male, or female. MARILYNN PLUCAR ReachGlobal Member Care Co-Director
Relationships are more of a journey than a single moment. Ministry team relationships are especially susceptible to the bruises and pains of “missing one another” when assumptions are made about others or expectations go unmet from the team. Suzy & Sue provide us with a much needed framework for slowly and deliberately addressing the relational necessities of each team member, so that the team, community, and mission organization can more fully reflect the fullness of the Body of Christ. These are two sisters in whom I have great trust, and I commend this book to you, your team, or your organization. DAVID RIDDELL International Director, World Team
Perspective, insight and understanding—this book is invaluable in aiding wise leadership and effective ministry. A unique research based understanding is offered of how faithful single and married servants of God see things differently, leading to misunderstanding and dysfunction in teams—even in teams where each member genuinely longs for God’s Glory in the nations through their fellowship in the Gospel. The practical suggestions which flow out of the research and experience of the writers will help diverse teams flourish in accomplishing their missional calling. HARRY ROBINSON Executive Director, One Another Ministries Int’l
I was so drawn into this topic and your manuscript that I have sat on the side of my bed for hours tonight reading what you sent to me. Singles and married people and their children are all critical partners in missions. There are inevitable tensions there which must be dealt with biblically, sensitively and regularly. If God truly does have plans for us (for good . . . to give us a future and hope) then is single life better and more productive or is married life better? I say, let God write our story. STEVE SAINT founder of ITEC, author of three books, and son of Nate Saint
This is an excellent book about team relationships. Sharing how relationships matter, and are complicated, complex, and demand commitment Tackling the challenges of communication, listening well, knowing each others expectations, and the danger of assumptions in relationships are covered so well, with both information gathered from surveys, and their shared personal experiences. This is a book to learn from, be encouraged by, and share what you learn with your teammates, as well as a tool that will bring a greater understanding of who we are as individuals, and how we all are made to give glory to God. HEATHER SHOTTON WEC, UK
The authors of Sacred Siblings present relevant issues in the mission community which have begged to be addressed for a long time. Their research reveals significant disparity in perspectives of singles (male and female) and marrieds, and even touches on male and female misunderstandings of need for community. The creative and innovative suggestions offered by survey respondents and the authors are practical, allowing for individuality, without requiring uniformity. Well worth the attention of mission leadership and constituents alike! MARTI WILLIAMS Director of Diversity and Women’s Initiatives, TEAM
By naming “un-named” dynamics that run our relationships, this book gives important insight for embracing greater potential to be enriched personally and professionally, as well as better expressing the heart of as the people of God. Living and relating by assumptions and expectations is a path to diminished personhood. We all do it, and suffer for it! But we can learn to see each other as the multi-faceted adults that we are. In Sacred Siblings, you’ll find biblical perspectives and strong stories that unpack them! Traits such as single/married, male/female, introvert/extrovert only describe one aspect of who we are, so to consider how much weight a category bears in the way we think about someone is a good, stretching exercise that unleashes helpful perspectives to propel us out of our self-centric ruts—making us better people and so better missionaries. I’m grateful to have this important resource about learning to be the diverse, spiritual people of God that are building His Kingdom, and not defining the Body of Christ by anything less! WENDY WILSON Executive Director, Women’s Development Track—Missio Nexus Mission
Married or single, we often see each other living in “greener pastures.” Relationships can be complicated but God made us inter-relational, and has gifted each person to make a unique contribution to the ministry team we serve with. Sacred Siblings helps us to better understand one another and provides many practical suggestions to navigate through the relational dynamics between singles and married people in a loving way. A must read for anyone on a team or those who care for and support global kingdom workers. N. YOUNG Singles in Community Lead, SIM International
- Title: Sacred Siblings: Valuing One Another for the Great Commission
- Authors: Sue Eenigenburg, Suzy Grumelot
- Publisher: William Carey Publishing
- Print Publication Date: 2019
- Logos Release Date: 2023
- Language: English
- Resources: 1
- Format: Digital › Ebook
- ISBNs: 9781645082194, 9781645082163, 1645082164, 1645082199
- Resource ID: LLS:9781645082194
- Resource Type: Monograph
- Metadata Last Updated: 2024-08-09T00:50:42Z
Sue Eenigenburg graduated from Moody Bible Institute and Lancaster Bible College. She has served with Christar for more than thirty-six years. She and her husband Don have four children and twelve grandchildren. Sue has served on four different continents. Sue is the author of Screams in the Desert and More Screams, Different Deserts. She also co-authored Expectations and Burnout: Women Surviving the Great Commission and Sacred Siblings: Valuing One Another for the Great Commission.
Suzy Grumelot’s degrees are in bible and missions. She has served with World Team in urban church planting in France for the past 30+ years. In 2012, with French partners, a historic new church was birthed in central Paris. In addition to discipling women and overseeing Bible studies, Suzy is involved with networking, prayer, and mentoring of both new believers and new church planters. She also serves on the executive team of Shoulder-to-Shoulder. She enjoys reading, listening to music, long walks, deep fellowship, and time with her nieces and nephews.