I Beg to Differ: Navigating Difficult Conversations with Truth and Love

by Timothy Muehlhoff; Gregg A. Ten Elshof

Publisher:

IVP

, 2014

Overview

How do we communicate with people who disagree with us?In today’s polarized world, friends and strangers clash with each other over issues large and small. Coworkers have conflicts in the office. Married couples fight over finances. And online commenters demonize one another’s political and religious perspectives. Is there any hope for restoring civil discourse?Communications expert Tim Muehlhoff provides a strategy for having difficult conversations, helping us move from contentious debate to constructive dialogue. By acknowledging and entering into the other person’s story, we are more likely to understand where they’re coming from and to cultivate common ground. Insights from Scripture and communication theory provide practical ways to manage disagreements and resolve conflicts.We can disagree without being disagreeable. And we can even help another see different points of view and learn from one another. Find out how.

Contents

Table of Contents
Foreword by Gregg Ten Elshof
Acknowledgments
Introduction

Part I: Understanding Communication
1. Reclaiming the Power of Words
2. What Causes Verbal Dams to Rupture?
3. Managing and Expressing Emotions in the Midst of Disagreement
4. Spiritual Disciplines: Power to Resolve Conflict

Part II: Organizing a Conversation
5. Question One: What Does this Person Believe?
6. Question Two: Why Does This Person Hold This Belief?
7. Question Three: Where do We Agree?
8. The Rule of Reciprocation: Why Steps One Through Three Work
9. Question Four: Based on All I?ve Learned, How Should I Proceed?

Part III: Putting it into Practice
10. Case Study One: Disagreeing about Finances
11. Case Study Two: Disagreeing over Religion in the Workplace
12. Case Study Three: Teens and Excessive use of Video Games

Epilogue
Notes
Name and Subject Index
Scripture Index

Praise for I Beg to Differ

"If we do nothing beyond listening with a sincere desire to understand our opponents and ask ourselves this question, it’s possible we’ll get farther than by pushing our own position too hard. In our rush to convince others that we’re right and they’re wrong about issues, we often run roughshod over relationships that could be vital to creating lasting change on issues about which we are passionate. I Beg to Differ is an excellent resource with helpful chapter summaries for easily bookmarking the many communication strategies it presents."

"A number of years ago I determined two very important things about marriage: we are naturally very good at initiating conflict, and we are naturally very bad at resolving conflict. How you resolve conflict in your marriage, family and relationships will determine the depth of intimacy you experience in these relationships. I Beg to Differ is ‘911 to the rescue’ for relationships. This may be the most important book you read this year."

"In his book, I Beg to Differ, Tim Muehlhoff provides an edifying foundation for navigating life’s difficult conversations. Balanced with a healthy dosage of theoretical and practical insight into speech, communication and word choice, Muehlhoff peppers his book with solid scriptural support, realistic life examples and illustrations and insight from some of the leading scholars in the field of communication."

"I head up a graduate program in Christian apologetics and I can’t think of a better book to read if you want to engage others with the ‘humility and respect’ that the apostle writes about in 1 Peter 3:15. But understand, this book is for everybody: evangelists, pastors, spouses, friends, bosses, employees--anyone who needs to communicate with charity, confidence and clarity. Tim Muehlhoff has written yet another incredibly helpful book that really needs to be read far and wide."

"Muehlhoff has given us an informed and accessible introduction to the art and science of communication in difficult situations. This book distills the theory of successful communication and offers the reader practical guidance for its application."

"For more than twenty years, I have benefited both personally and professionally from Tim’s wisdom and coaching. He is a masterful communicator, and the principals contained in his most recent book are stunning. I can’t say that I am looking forward to the next difficult conversation that I will have to have with a family member or friend, but I am confident that the timeless and proven principles contained in I Beg to Differ will help me communicate with integrity and clarity."

"Over the last twenty years or so, we have witnessed an explosion of important works in Christian apologetics. But what have been missing are books teaching us how to communicate our ideas in effective ways with those who have a different viewpoint. I Beg to Differ meets this need in a wonderful way. Muehlhoff brings together an expertise in communication, a deep integration of biblical teaching and decades of ministry experience to produce a book that is highly practical and theoretically solid. This is a must-read for anyone who wants to learn how to interact with people of different perspectives."

"This book can pull your marriage out of the communication ditch. It’s practical, authentic and full of helpful insight. It can help you move your marriage to a whole new level."

"Having worked in college ministry for over twenty years, we are always looking for resources to help people engage those with differing views on campus. With Tim Muehlhoff’s help, even difficult conversations can foster understanding instead of driving a wedge."

"This is a deeply wise book. In it, Tim Muehlhoff offers hope, but not just hope; he also provides practical tools to help us communicate about differences in ways that foster growth more than division. Illustrating the book are powerful examples that are illuminated by Muehlhoff’s seamless blending of insights from communication research and lessons from the Scriptures. The result is a book that resonates powerfully with our lives and invites us to become better versions of ourselves."

Product Details

• Title : I Beg to Differ: Navigating Difficult Conversations with Truth and Love
• Authors:
  • Muehlhoff, Tim
  • Elshof, Gregg Ten
• Publisher: IVP Books
• Publication Date: 2014
• ISBN: 9780830884049

About the Authors

Tim Muehlhoff (PhD, University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill) is a professor of communication at Biola University in La Mirada, California, where he teaches classes in family communication, interpersonal communication, persuasion, and gender. He is the author of I Beg to Differ and Marriage Forecasting, and the coauthor of The God Conversation: Using Stories and Illustrations to Explain Your Faith and Authentic Communication: Christian Speech Engaging Culture. Muehlhoff and his wife, Noreen, are frequent speakers at FamilyLife Marriage Conferences, and he has served with Campus Crusade since 1986. They live in Brea, California, with their three boys.